I Love Mock Drafts

Ed Zitron 3 min read

Around this time of year, amongst the regular brain damage I’ve sustained through my life, I experience Mock Draft Psychosis and must read every NFL Mock Draft possible, just to see what false narratives people are building based on little more than sniffing their finger. The latest one I’ve read is from Todd McShay, and like a little piglet who loves treats I absolutely love it, because it creates two crucial dramatic football elements:

  • The Jets take Penei Sewell, who’s going to be a certified god at offensive tackle, which is interesting because it means that the Jets do not take a quarterback, sticking with Sam Darnold, a guy who likely wants to die far more than he wants to play for the New York Jets. It’s weird to consider, but I think it’s more of an indignity to Sam Darnold to not take a quarterback at this point - he has zero supporting cast, the Jets’ best player is the 400-year-old Frank Gore, and by telling him yep, you’re our guy Sam, here’s an offensive tackle, they’re dooming him to another season of miserably trying and failing to hit Jamison Crowder on a slant route and getting picked off for the third time.

This is crucially interesting because it would also mean that they pass on Ohio State’s Justin Fields or BYU’s Zach Wilson, both of whom will give the franchise a level of excitement they haven’t had since, I don’t know, 2009? Anyway…

  • This Mock Draft also has OSU’s Justin Fields slip to the Patriots at 15, which is very funny, because the Patriots have the offensive line to let him develop, but absolutely no wide receivers, putting him in a similar yet slightly yet embarrassing version of the Jets.

This is, by the way, how I enjoy the NFL - I really got into it after my time at Penn State because I was trolled cruelly by my American friends and came 8th (out of 10) in my Fantasy Football league, which made me begin consuming football entirely by statlines and Remembering Some Guys. It’s a lot of fun! I’m excited to spend the next three months obsessing over this.

I Apologize

The last time I talked about the NFL my Substack didn’t do well, but I admit today has been a little harder to write. I got some good news that put me in a good mood, and frankly the world hasn’t been quite as vampiric to me in the last week, and I suppose I need some poison to be productive. I’ve been reliving Teen Trash Show One Tree Hill through my mentions, including the scene where a guy’s going to get a heart transplant (he’s also a bad guy, which makes it funnier, you see, he doesn’t have a heart, and so on) but then it falls out of the thing containing it and a dog eats it.

I’ve been hesitantly hopeful that Biden’s administration will, at the very least, begin to get people vaccinated. I was able to book both of my wife’s grandparents in for vaccinations next week, which is incredible, and I’d definitely say it’s given me a weird, tingly feeling known as “hope.” I spent so much of 2019 and 2020 feeling something truly different - not just a true hopelessness, but a hopelessness that said I was going to be stuck in the same physical and mental space for the rest of time. Every day felt the same - wake up, leave bed, go downstairs, go to office, leave office, return downstairs, go to bed. Nothing really seemed to break it up - trips to doctors and other necessary places didn’t really feel different, as these weren’t really choices in as much as they were necessary maintenance to return to the current timeline.

The last week of effort and work has made me feel like time can start again. Last year felt like it was 4 months long - my time in the bay alone, my time moving to Vegas, me getting COVID-19, and Christmas. It felt like at least 150 of last years’ days were identical - copy pastes of going to work and finishing work, waking up and going to bed, the same walls and the same place. I don’t think it’s just the fact that I (and we) have been in the same place, but also the way that our memories and understanding of time is attached to seeing and being around different people.

It feels like a repetitive timeline is finally going to come to an end that, for me, began in November 2019 and never really stopped, and that’s exciting. I don’t know when it stops, or even necessarily how, but I’m kinda happy, which is always a bad omen.

Have a great weekend!

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